How Mastering the Art of Forgiveness Can Help You Become a Better Leader
Without forgiveness, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no leadership.
You know that old saying, heavy is the head that wears the crown? There is a direct relationship between effective leadership and responsibility that can easily be overlooked in a corporate structure of titles, management, and business hierarchy. Just because someone is in a leadership position does not mean they are a leader. The whole heavy-head thing isn’t necessarily meant to imply the staggering weight of a to-do list or an enormity of oversight; it is, instead, an implication of the “soft” qualities of leadership, like empathy, communication, and – yes, an ability (and willingness) to forgive.
Ask yourself:
Are you willing to let go of the past so a workplace relationship can start fresh?
As a leader, are you really willing to give someone a shot at earning your trust?
Or have you concluded that they are unworthy of your trust?
Realize that your honest answer to these questions will have a profound effect on those you lead.
Here’s the thing: when you fail to forgive you hold yourself hostage to hurt and disappointment, and you hold the other person responsible for your future.
I’m not advocating a complete forgive-and-forget approach here, by the way. If an employee, coworker, manager or anyone else in either a horizontal or vertical workplace position has violated your trust in some way – whether it’s missing a deadline, engaging in harmful office politics, or undermining you – it would be foolish to disregard. Prudent leaders must be keenly aware of the types of people they work with in order to effectively manage them, and this sometimes requires keeping the much-maligned “record of wrongs.”Forgiveness must be predicated on an apology. This means that the person who effed it up, fesses up. If Person A missed a deadline but said nothing, there’s not a lot of forgiveness that can be granted. You can choose to internally forgive them, by giving them more chances, but you won’t have the opportunity to engage in forgiveness unless Person A cops to it. It requires a conversation of some kind.
Effective leaders are keenly aware of the difference between forgiveness and forgetting what kind of people they’re dealing with. They work to elevate people to take personal responsibility, regardless of how they come to the table. They know that some people don’t know how to take personal responsibility, but believe that they can be taught. In fact, this is how a leader can hold someone to account not only for their performance and actions, but also for being the best they can be.
Remember that taking on a leadership role requires strength, determination, and a willingness to set an example on how to treat people and work closely with them, even if they act differently than you do. Forgiveness requires a strong sense of self-awareness – an ability to successfully tap into a more understanding side of yourself while simultaneously releasing any judgment you may have initially had based on a person's performance, behavior or attitude.
Forgiveness is one of those rare and beautiful, symbiotic actions: it benefits others, yes, but mostly, it benefits YOU.
Why is cultivating forgiveness such an important component of effective leadership?
Forgiveness Allows You to Judge Less and Become More Accepting of Others. Forgiveness is rooted in grace. And grace is a deep understanding that not only are we all flawed, but recognizing that you too have failed, let people down, messed up, done the wrong thing, spoken out of turn, etc. This is that self-awareness I mentioned already: when we, as leaders (and, yes, we are ALL leaders), realize that we’re not perfect, we can extend a grace that enables forgiveness. Grace is the stake in the heart of that toxic quality called judgment. Remember that when you’re judging those around you, it's because you feel the energy of what they're doing and you’ve begun to internalize it. You start to remember how you acted when you felt that way. Trust me: this does NOT feel good. It's one of the reasons why it's so crucial to learn to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, thoughts, and decisions. When you can forgive yourself and move forward from the past, you can understand others and see through the energy they project, which will help you become a more forgiving person. If you judge less, you can become more accepting of others, regardless of your differences.Instead of judging and projecting negativity back to the people who have wronged you or the company, you'll begin to feel comfortable enough to say things like, "I understand why you're feeling the way you do. Is there anything I can do to support you in this moment?" Your kindness will help create and maintain better relationships with those around you.
Forgiveness Makes It Easier to Cultivate a More Welcoming Environment. As a leader, you want everyone around you to feel welcomed, accepted and a sense of belonging. This is much simpler when you approach those around you with understanding, empathy, and grace. This approach will allow you to foster an inclusive environment that enables others to feel more at ease, let their guard down, stop being so defensive, and elevate the energy of the room. While you extend forgiveness to yourself, you'll begin to exude self-love, which will keep you from getting defensive when others act out and disappoint you - an incredibly critical skill in today’s workplace.
Leading with Love Can Change Everything. When you're refining your ability to forgive yourself and others, you're leading with love. As you begin doing everything with love, opening your heart, and becoming far more accepting of others, you're leading by example. People will start wondering how you can forgive, move forward, and keep your cool. It can change everything for you, helping you heal from within, feel more confident in your ability to lead, and make it possible for you to overcome any challenging situation, regardless of how difficult some people can be.
People need to know there is a path to redemption when they falter. It’s not just about getting back in the good graces of a leader. Redemption is as much about helping those you lead to restore their integrity with you as it is with themselves.
One final note: of course, this is a blog post about leadership in the workplace, but mastering forgiveness? Yeah, that’s a WHOLE LIFE skill. Since we spend the majority of our waking hours at work, however, it’s crucial to apply this ability in our professional lives.
How has someone shown you forgiveness in the past and how did that affect you and your future performance in that relationship? Let me know in the comments!
