“All your life you pretend to be someone else, and it turns out that you were someone else pretending to be you.” - Robert Breault

We’ve all been in the position of having to put our “fake” face on. You’re having a terrible morning, you just screamed at your partner, at your kid, whatever, and then you answer your phone – it’s the office – and butter couldn’t melt in your mouth, as my mom used to say. “Hello? Sure, Tom! No problem. I’d be happy to help. See you in 15!” All the sweet and none of the sour.

That’s just being polite, right?

And so what if you’re just being polite to the point of being someone else entirely? That’s just the way to get ahead. And who wants to air their dirty laundry in the workplace? No, thank you.

But…

What if all that pretending is actually preventing you from being as successful as you could be in your career? What if being inauthentic is actually harming you (and those around you) instead of just wrapping your ugly in some brightly colored sweet candy for everyone else to enjoy?

Here’s the thing: like most things in life, there is a fine line between “just being polite” and being dangerously inauthentic.

And, if you have a “work self” you are certainly not alone (and you’re not necessarily wrong, either). It may not be as severe as truly pretending to be someone else entirely. It usually looks more like an attempt to always put your “best self” forward.

It may feel like we have to put on this sort of show when we're at work instead of acting how we would with friends, family, or even acquaintances outside of the workplace. And although maintaining professional boundaries is an absolute must, that doesn't mean you need to change who you are or how you react to different situations. You can be your authentic self and even maintain a certain level of professionalism in the workplace, but to do that, you must first connect with your authentic self.

Most of us fall into the habit of pretending to be someone we're not to impress or please others and to protect ourselves from not being accepted. We tend to want to hide our mistakes or weaknesses out of fear of looking weak, stupid or incompetent.

So, what is the point of connecting to your authentic self, both personally and professionally? It enables you to be who you are, allowing you to take off that pretend-to-be-perfect mask you've worn in the past. It gives you the opportunity to become more trustworthy to those around you and genuinely feel better about the things you choose to say and do.

As Peter Senge wrote, “People with a high level of personal mastery are acutely aware of their ignorance, their incompetence, their growth areas and they are deeply self-confident.”

You may think that being your authentic self will make you more vulnerable, but it tends to have the opposite effect. It can make you stronger and more resilient. When you align with who you are, you become the most confident version of yourself, enabling you to foster better relationships with those around you. 

This is especially true for leaders. If you want to promote a culture of open, honest, positive, helpful, constructive, sensitive communications and the sharing of knowledge throughout your organization, you can’t do it by pretending to be perfect. Your team and your coworkers will be looking to you to create this culture by example.

You might be surprised to learn that in my younger years I experienced genuine feelings of self-hate and low self esteem. There were so many things I didn't like about myself, which made every interaction I had with others feel awkward, uncomfortable, and downright embarrassing. My constant self-hatred made it difficult for me to build connections with others, and it became common for me to deal with one miserable relationship after another. I thought the only way to overcome this problem was to work on my physical appearance, but I was SO wrong.

As I began to grow into my own confidence as a person and a leader, I was able to stop focusing on the negative and channel the person I was deep down inside because I realized had a lot to offer. I realized I'm a modern-day leader with a good head on my shoulders who can help others and make a difference by being my authentic self.

I started to change my mindset and adopt different practices that made a genuine difference in my life, and I now work on helping others do the same.

I firmly believe that if you want to connect with others, you must first connect with your authentic self and learn more about what you're capable of doing. You don't need to follow the opinions of outsiders who may try to influence you to get you to be someone you're not or do things that you typically wouldn't want to do in the first place.

Being vulnerable and sharing your unique perspectives results in a better work environment – not just for you, but for everyone around you. It makes you more productive. If you feel comfortable being yourself at work, you aren't spending energy constantly monitoring yourself, worrying about saying the "right" things and trying to be someone you're not. Instead, you can focus on the work you're doing and how you can add value.

Here’s the challenge: focus on being the person you know you are instead of the person that others want you to be. It may be difficult for you initially because it's not what you're used to, and you may have spent a lot of time being a people pleaser, but you can break out of that bad habit and learn to be yourself. And once you do focus on self-love and authenticity, you will discover the difference it can make in every aspect of your life, professionally and personally.

Embody your experience, your perspectives, your culture, and your history. This will help you build and influence a workplace environment that values authenticity, along with inclusion. After all, your identity helps shape your experiences and your beliefs.

If you want to excel in both your professional and personal life, the best thing you can do is connect with your authentic self. Will you experience feelings of vulnerability in the beginning? Of course. But will those feelings begin to subside as you strengthen your connections, resonate with your audience, and gain the respect you deserve? Absolutely!