What Is Public Speaking & Why Does Everyone Need To Know How To “Do” It?

Okay, it’s the post-pandemic world and you’re holed up in your WFH office, wearing your WFH yoga pants, drinking your WFH (maybe spiked) coffee. Public speaking isn’t just the last thing on your mind… it’s the last thing you think you need to worry about.

Because most people do. Worry about public speaking, that is.

Jerry Seinfeld famously said “According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

Funny, right?

But hear me out (see what I did there?): public speaking isn’t the last thing you need to worry about (because it’s something you do every day) and you shouldn’t worry about it at all!  Let me explain…

Let’s start with myth debunking (because it’s such a fun word).

MYTH #1: Public speaking is only something you do from a stage, when standing in front of an audience and behind a podium.

FACT: Public speaking is what happens every time you open your mouth and speak to someone-anyone-lots-of-someones. Basically, if you’re saying it outloud and you’re not just giving yourself a pep talk, it’s public speaking.

Public speaking is a method of communicating the ideas and thoughts in your head to someone outside of yourself. But it’s not just about expressing or sharing ideas. More than anything, public speaking is about creating connections and uncovering areas of relatability with your audience – whether that audience is one person or a million persons. It requires a skillful combination of keeping someone’s attention and convincing them all at the same time.

MYTH #2: Effective communication skills are only relevant if you make a living speaking at the front of a room.

FACT: Effective communication skills are the foundation of how we interact with our world – and even how we create our own reality.

Cue the eyerolls!  I know, I know, but hear me out (again: see what I did there?)...

We create our own universe and the things that happen around us through the energy we knowingly or unintentionally manifest. Human beings have a special gift that enables us to communicate like no other species on this planet.

What we say to ourselves and others enables us to create or destroy relationships, edify or tear down, encourage or denigrate, open up a world of possibility or slam the door in its face. Everything in our lives depends on our ability to communicate clearly and effectively: without it, things become complicated, conflicted, and chaotic. 

Our words hold the power to kill connections with those closest to us while we burn bridges with people in both our professional and personal lives.

This is especially true when there is conflict - and there usually is.

According to a recent Niagara Institute survey of 700 professionals from 36 countries, more than 30% of them admitted to being competitive or aggressive when trying to resolve conflict and get their point across with their peers - especially when they felt passionate about the topic at hand. 

Poor communication, especially during conflict, is one of the key traits of a toxic work environment, so while the study shows that more than 80% of people in the workplace are willing to have the difficult conversations, they just aren’t that good at them. You’ve got to be good at fostering connection with your audience, even when there is disagreement, pushback or objections. 

Remove “public speaking” from communication as a whole, for a second. Let's say you were recently in a relationship, personal or professional that ended… and it didn’t end well. What do you feel caused it to come to an end? In most cases, relationships falter when there is a significant lack of communication between partners. Is a breakdown in communication what ultimately led to the bridge being burned for good? It's possible… and very likely.

Now take a step even further away from your individual bubble and consider what ultimately causes most world conflicts and wars? Most come to a head with lack of communication between leaders. The talks broke down. It just goes to show how crucial good communication is everywhere in life and how important it is to keep a sense of connection and understanding between all parties, both personally and professionally. 

MYTH #3: Public speaking is all about being ‘right’ and then getting everyone else to agree with you.

FACT: Effective communication is all about MAKING A CONNECTION versus PROVING CREDIBILITY.

Communication needs to be just that: communication.  What I mean: it needs to be easy for the audience, no matter the size, to understand what the speaker is saying. 

It's common for people to approach communication with an assumption that they have to talk a certain way or use specific words to be accepted or come across as smart. They may attempt to be viewed as well-spoken or feel pressured to one-up someone else to win an argument that they think will make them appear more credible. That’s not going to help get your point across – nor will it help foster connection. (Because no one likes being “talked down to” or made to feel foolish or stupid).

Remember: public speaking should never be about gaining credibility. If you have something of value to offer, if you have the experience necessary to back it up, if you believe strongly in what you are saying… you don’t need to “prove” yourself. You need to make a connection when you speak so your audience can gain an understanding of your perspective for themselves. It’s the connection that creates a receptive environment for your message to really land.

MYTH #4: Words are “just” words (and they don’t really matter).

FACT: Words are energy: BE INTENTIONAL WITH THEM.

The words we say are colored by our energy. “Great, thanks!” can be an upbeat positive response to someone asking how-are-you, but sprinkle those same exact words with a heavy dose of sarcasm and they become rude and hostile.

It’s actually LESS about the words and MORE about your energy. So, before you focus on the words, you must identify and control your own energy.

The wrong type of energy can steer people away, even if you mean well.It’s important to recognize the emotions behind the energy, whether you feel sad, frustrated, happy, excited, or angry. Each emotion can give off a different energy which you will then exude when speaking with others – even if you're trying to hide it. One thing I help my clients do when they are prepping for a speaking engagement is compare the statements they are making in their presentation to the Energy Self Perception Chart. If their words are resonating at an energy level that aligns with their goals for they want the audience to think and feel AND if they align with how they want to think and feel, we keep it. If they don’t, we rework it.  

Now that we’re done debunking, it should be apparent that public speaking isn’t really the issue.  And, yes, even in your WFH-life, you need to master it! For that next Zoom call, for that next phone call, for that next personal interaction, and for that sooner-than-you-thought callback to the office and all of its politics and drama.

So, if the real issue isn’t public speaking, WHAT IS IT? The real issue lies within your thoughts surrounding public speaking. 

Instead of putting yourself on the path to communication success, you may tend to visualize and anticipate worst possible scenarios, saying things like, "What if they don't like me? What if the audience doesn't resonate with what I'm saying? Will I look foolish on the stage?" “I know Mr. Know-It-All disagrees with me on this and they are going to push back, I have to shut them down…” and it goes on and on.

It's normal to feel nervous and wonder how receptive others will be toward you and your message – no matter how big or small your audience. But if you're full of self-doubt or judgment, you will project that negative energy onto your hearers, making it harder for you to build a solid connection with them. If they can't connect with you, they won't get the gist of what you're saying, and it will be harder for you to keep them engaged.

Here’s the good news: you’re not failing when it comes to public speaking. You are simply energetically misaligned with the outcome you actually seek so it feels like a struggle. You're experiencing the struggle because your way of thinking surrounding public speaking is getting the best of you. No matter what anyone has told you before: the struggle isn’t real. It’s just that the stories you have created in your head are holding you back from reaching your fullest potential.

And since you created those stories in the first place… you can rewrite ‘em. 

Excellent communicators and effective public speakers have set goals for themselves and their audience and are ready and willing to source the energy necessary to achieve those goals. They put themselves in the right mindset before getting in front of a large or small crowd, and they worry less about how they will be perceived because their focus is on connection. You can do this, too.

Before any speaking engagement or high stakes conversation, answer the questions in the Triangle of Trust slide:

Use this framework to help focus on creating an incredible story for yourself that anticipates the connection you plan to build with your audience. Remember the importance of believing in yourself and how you can manifest whatever outcome you want in your life, just like you can unintentionally manifest what you don’t want. It’s the same with speaking. What do you want to create as a result of opening your mouth and sharing with others? Use that to connect with them. Let that shape what you will say and how you will say it. 

If you're willing to change your mindset and build that connection with your audience, public speaking, whether 1:1 or 1:many, will no longer be as complicated, frustrating, nerve-wracking, or conflict-driven as it once was.