When was the last time you saw a baby without confidence?

I mean, c’mon. A crying baby? Sure. A hungry baby? Yep. A fussy baby? Been there, done that.

But, a self-conscious baby?

NOPE.

We weren’t born scared.

We were born with confidence.

We were born to let it all haaaaaaang out.  Both the good… and the not-so-good.

Well, we’ve come a long way, baby.

And some of that long way means we have developed 2 things that go hand-in-hand:

1. Fear →

2. Lack of Confidence

So, let me ask you something, just in time for spooky season: How often do you feel scared?

None of us want to admit feeling afraid, but the truth is that fear is a very real obstacle when it comes to having the confidence we need to achieve our goals.

I’m not talking about dark-basement-steps-fear. I’m talking about the things that make you feel scared, anxious, stressed, and uncertain. You know, normal things, like being scared that you didn't do an excellent job on your last presentation and will have to hear about it from your superiors OR the fear of taking on a new role after receiving a promotion, while worrying that you're not good enough to do the job. 

I’ve felt fear many times – fear of not being good enough, fear of letting people down, fear of failure, and even just good ol’ fashioned stage fright. 

So, since we know none of us were born scared… where did this fear that leads to lack of confidence come from?

 Short answer (because #science): “Fear is our survival response,” says Northwestern Medicine Clinical Psychologist Zachary Sikora, PsyD. “Fear is a natural and biological condition that we all experience,” says Dr. Sikora. “It’s important that we experience fear because it keeps us safe.”

Fair enough. So, fear – like most emotions – is an important part of our human experience, BUT when it becomes negative, stressful, and inconvenient, we need to cultivate strategies to help us overcome it so we can become the best version of ourselves.

Our experiences over time have given us a false sense of what we need to fear in order to protect ourselves. Yes, we should be afraid of a chance encounter with a grizzly bear, but that next big presentation? Let’s relegate that to a different category altogether.

How do you let go of the fear and become more confident? The answer to this is more straightforward than you might realize.

Letting go of fear doesn't mean you're no longer scared.

It means refusing to allow those feelings to control your mind or have power over your thoughts and actions. You may internally say, "This scares me too much, so I'm going to avoid it." But when you avoid your fears, you hold on to them, and they begin to take over. Make your fear powerless by identifying the things that scare you the most and face them head-on. This means cultivating a willingness to face your fears in confidence, knowing that you're capable of anything. After all, you’re still alive, right? You’ve already overcome so many things that have scared you!.

 Think about all those times you were scared, but you got through it. Your life wasn’t ruined, even if it felt like it would be in the moment. 

Consider the Worst Possible Scenario. Sure, things might turn out perfectly, but perhaps the worst thing that could happen is you get turned down, told no, or receive some level of constructive criticism. When you prepare for the worst, but visualize the best, you can confidently face your fears and get through anything that scares you.

You weren't born scared, and neither was I. 

This is why I've learned to stop letting fear control me and have been able to focus more on the power of reminding myself that I can get through anything. And you can too.

 The next time you feel scared, think about your current situation and any other time you felt these feelings in the past but still managed to overcome your fears. The world may have messed with your head over the years, but you have complete control of your mind, which means you get to decide where your thoughts and emotions go.

Here are 3 simple tips you can use the next time you begin to feel fear (in a way that does not serve you… if you’re facing down a grizzly bear, these tips do not apply 🤣):

1. Choose A Positive Frame of Mind.
   If you want to become self-confident, you need to learn to stay away from negativity. Control negative thoughts. It’s not bad to doubt yourself sometimes, but do not let those thoughts take over the positive ones. Use positive language when interacting with people. What you speak can be a powerful transformative tool in shaping how you feel – your words (both spoken and internal) have power!

2. Become Confident By Focusing on Your Strengths.
   Who knows you better than YOU do? Don’t rely on others to point out what you do best. Get to know yourself and your strengths so that you will have an increased sense of trust in your own capabilities. Try this: make a list of the things that you are good at and enjoy doing, and another list of the things where you need improvement and may be lacking confidence. As you turn your weaknesses into your strengths, you experience a sense of fulfillment and you’ll gradually become more confident.

3. Empower Yourself.
   Empowerment can be achieved in a number of ways like enriching your knowledge by reading inspirational books, listening to speeches, and spending time with positive people. You can also empower yourself through physical exercise to overcome physical barriers. Consider meditation and affirmations – they are an effective way to get rid of negative energy and usher in positivity, peace and confidence.

How have you learned to overcome the fear that is stopping your confidence?  Let me know in the comments!