How to Overcome Discouragement
“I’ll rise up, and I’ll do it a thousand times again.” - Andra Day
We all deal with discouragement – it’s a natural side effect of ambition (see more about what I had to say about how ambition isn’t a bad thing here). It’s also an unfortunate part of what makes the human experience rich: the highs and the lows. I know it’s a common trope to hear that without the lows, we wouldn’t appreciate the highs BUT I prefer to get out of periods of lows ASAP. (Note to the Universe: I will still appreciate the highs!) How about you?
If you’ve been around here long, you know I’m a big fan of flipping the script, rewriting the narrative, taking control of the story (you get the idea), so it shouldn’t surprise you that when it comes to discouragement… I’m all about using it and then leaving it behind.
This is what I mean: discouragement, disappointment, failure, and setbacks—these are all things that can work to our benefit IF we maintain an empowering mindset. The key is to learn from these experiences, and minimize the amount of time that we allow ourselves to stay discouraged – also known as wallowing.
The next time you’re feeling discouraged, consider the following three actionable steps to take the lesson and mooooooooove on:
Remember your power to analyze and then choose. Oooooooh, this is a personal favorite! I’ve talked about this before (in the context of microaggressions specifically and how to retrain your brain more generally) but here’s the recap: only YOU get to control YOU. No one “makes” you feel a certain way! Let that sink in. Empowering, right?
So, when you’re dealing with a period of discouragement, take stock of what is happening with some objective analysis as long as you have the capacity to separate yourself from overwhelming negative feelings. One thing to note: it’s false to assume that rational analysis is the same whether you are in a good or bad mood. Rational judgment can be corrupted by emotion very easily, so what seems like a logical flow of thought can be completely ridiculous from an outside perspective. When you get turned down for a date, promotion or business opportunity it can be very tempting to start trying to analyze what went wrong. This of course spins into self talk that seems rational but is purely emotional. Immediately after a discouraging failure is not the time to devote self-talk to it. Analysis is important but it must come from a neutral viewpoint that can’t be attained while you still have negative feelings.
If you struggle to view a situation objectively, here are some actionable ways to pull back, take stock, engage objectively, and protect your energy using the S-S-S Method. Remember: success requires a shift of the internal narrative, moving you from victim to victor. You must move out of the blame and into the truth of choice and responsibility. Responsibility does not mean accepting fault where it is not yours – it means standing in a position of power and taking control over your own story. And then, affirming that story in your mind and with your mouth … over and over again.
Only once you feel fairly positive and stable about yourself and you can look back at the discouraging event from an emotionally neutral standpoint should you try to analyze what went wrong and how to improve it for next time. Analysis and review are extremely important but can be completely worthless if they just turn into another means for self-pity and negative thoughts.Create an immediate success. What do you tend to do when you feel discouraged? Binge watch Netflix? Eat a pint of ice cream? Go to bed? Go shopping? Although these are all viable (though not the most beneficial) strategies for handling stress, they often just temporarily bring you up to a neutral point of view. A better tactic is to find something you know you can be successful at and do it right away. By creating a tiny, even superficial, success you can help balance out the negative feelings associated with your discouragement.
Consider exercise after a discouraging event. Not only does movement increase energy and release endorphins which makes you feel better, but by successfully completing a workout you can stop negative cycles of thought quickly.
An immediate success is a tourniquet for discouragement… but it’s not a long-term solution. To truly overcome discouragement AND learn the lesson the Universe is sending you with the discouraging event or circumstance, you need to be skilled at understanding and upleveling your own energy.Take stock of your energy level.
Discouraging events have the potential to drop our energy. Take a look at the Energetic Self Perception Chart for reference and consider: if you’re sitting comfortably at a Level 4 (Compassion) and you get turned down for a promotion you’ve worked hard for (discouragement alert!), all of a sudden – BOOM – you might feel yourself getting angry. In essence, you’ve just dropped energy levels: from a Level 4 to a Level 2.
nts!
Sounds super woo, right?
But consider all those turns of phrase we use about discouraging or difficult circumstances or people “draining the life out of us” or how some people or things are just “downers.” You already know from experience that unpleasant experiences tend to make you feel down while pleasant experiences are uplifting.
Turns out: it’s not just anecdotal. It’s not woo either. It’s science: the Science of Energy.
So, how do you push your energetic level BACK UP when it’s been knocked down by discouragement?
Know where you are and how you typically respond to stress. Not everyone would feel anger if they were passed over for that promotion. Some people would drop all the way straight to apathy. Others may adopt a martyr attitude or start feeling like a victim. It’s tough to know where you WANT to be without knowing where you ARE… and the Energy Leadership Index Assessment is the tool to help you pinpoint your energy levels during times of stress AND times of happiness.
Allow the information about your energy to become POWER. If information is power, your energetic perception information is a SUPERPOWER. Remember what I said about how hard it is to be objective when dealing with negative emotions? Understanding your energetic levels gives you a tool to assess and SHIFT.
Beyond all of this flip-the-script, empowerment talk, remember this: you can’t control how long it takes to get over feelings of defeat or disappointment BUT you can create an environment that’s most conducive to getting over it. Practice self-compassion! Be kind rather than judgmental about your own pain and failures; recognize that mistakes and suffering are part of a shared human experience; and don’t try to suppress or deny your negative emotions. You are an emotional being, as well as an energetic one and it’s important to be kind to yourself.
How do you deal with discouragement, setbacks, and failures? Let me know in the comments!
