Harness the Power of Your Inner Critic: Why "That Voice" Is NOT Your Enemy
Anyone else make a crazy assumption about the post-pandemic world “going back to normal?” It’s like Covid said, “hey, you can go places now” and gas prices replied, “no, the f*ck, you cannot.”
It’s funny… until it isn’t.
News flash: we’ve all been existing in a state of heightened stress and anxiety – yes, even in this post-pandemic “new” world where everything was supposed to go back to normal. In fact, the should and supposed-to aspect of our day-to-day realities make it even harder: if you feel like you should be back to normal even though you don’t feel back to normal, you just pile guilt on top of the stress and anxiety you’re already feeling.
It’s funny… until it isn’t.
The should-and-supposed-to voice often comes from our inner critic. Good Therapy defines the inner critic as an inner voice that judges, criticizes, or demeans a person whether or not the self-criticism is objectively justified. Sounds like an unwelcome guest, right? A miserable, emotionally-draining asshole that lives in our own heads and takes a toll on our psychological well being.
But… what if, this inner critic isn’t the enemy we think it is? What if it’s the way we habitually respond to that inner critic that is the real problem?
Negative self-talk is not evidence of something “wrong” with us that needs to be fixed; it is a feature of being human. Our propensity to cause ourselves anguish is an evolved function of what evolutionary scientists call our “tricky” brain. Our complex cognitive system – able to imagine, anticipate and conceive of an objective “self” – is equally inclined to dwell on negative thoughts such as “If only I’d …” and “I should have …” This triggers the same fight-or-flight, physiological response as an external threat (this is catabolic energy).
Here’s the truth: self-compassion is always a trade-off with self-criticism. But no matter what the tone: anything with the word “self-” as a prefix – think self-awareness, self-reflection, self-improvement – happens internally, as part of our inner voice. When that voice speaks critically, it’s easy to dismiss, ridicule, avoid or even go to extreme measures to quash it (mental health professionals often cite an overactive inner critic as being so unbalanced that it governs who they are in the world. Not only is this a miserable existence, but it often underpins problematic relationships with drugs, alcohol, food or work, in the attempt to find some relief, as well as mental health problems including depression).
WHO is your Inner Critic?
This inner voice can be a harsh, unsympathetic, and powerful demon also known as self-criticism. Want to know what that might look like? Try imagining a scenario where your worst enemy had all your life secrets. Terrifying, right? What if they could see inside your head? Knew all of your past mistakes and regrets?
Definitely NOT funny.
That is essentially what your inner critic consists of: it’s YOU as your own worst enemy. But a relatively omniscient one – at least when it comes to the Story of You.
This type of power of yourself can be extremely dangerous. Outfit this inner critic with the ability to drone out all of your other internal voices and all of a sudden FEAR begins to contort, manipulate and CONTROL the fabric of reality in your life.
And just like any monster, the one that grows is the one you feed.
The biggest reason your internal conflicts grow and have the ability to control you is simple: you keep nurturing them inside your head and heart.
WHY you should be listening to this voice. Yes, that negative, powerful, dangerous voice.
You should not ignore your deepest and darkest fears. Unconventional? Controversial? Sure. But it’s the truth based on years of experience in the personal development coaching environment.
Here are some facts about your inner critic that you need to not only keep in mind (pun intended), but accept as truth:
Running away from your inner critic is denial.
Confronting your internal conflicts takes a startling amount of energy.
It is okay to feel vulnerable when you begin to look for the root cause of your problems.
Ignoring your inner critic only makes it BIGGER (and BADDER).
Imperfections are part of the beauty of your spirit.
Your scary thoughts are also part of your internal life and they need your attention.
Taming your inner critic only happens when you have both an open heart and an open mind.
Acceptance is key!
Ignorance is not bliss.
Think you can ignore this part of you and it will go away?
Think again.
Realizing your worst enemy is a part of YOU can often lead to the creation of an emotional circular firing squad where you start turning your internal weapons on yourself. You cannot cut out a part of yourself in mind, body, or spirit and hope to function normally.
Every piece of your being is a blessing. Yes, even your inner critic. When you have the power to acknowledge your inner critic, you tap into an increased awareness of who you are, where you are, where you should be, and have a clearer path to where you truly WANT to go.
Identifying & Translating the Voice of Your Inner Critic
Your Inner Critic is a key component of your energy.
Look, I get it: people have all kinds of reactions and interpretations when they hear the word “energy.”
For some, the connotation is more scientific in nature, hearkening back to physics or environmental science class. For others, images of crystals and full moon rituals come to mind (I see you!).
Regardless of which camp you’re in—if there’s any part of you that believes ‘energy’ is irrelevant or separate from your role as both a successful human being navigating your inner voice and as a successful leader in your workplace, it’s time to challenge those assumptions.
The story of what unfolds in both private and professional lives can be traced back to energy—which is exactly why it’s so important for managers and leaders of all kinds to understand its power and impact.
When it comes down to it, energy is at the root of the story of what’s happening in the room and what’s not being said.
If your inner critic is acting up and acting out during an important board meeting… your energy is affected. That, in turn, affects the energy of everyone else in the room. Phew! Talk about a wake-up call!
Picture this: a leader enters the room—not just any leader, but one who always seems to be in a sour mood when they enter a room. Think about the effect that has on the people around them:
How quickly can the tension be felt?
What expressions are on the faces of others in the room?
How do these things impact the conversations that unfold?
Now, picture a different kind of leader entering the room instead—one who’s dynamic—who genuinely sees the best in their team and helps others see and tap into that same greatness in themselves.
How quickly and willingly do others engage?
How do their expressions differ from the first scenario?
What kinds of conversations might unfold in this setting compared to the last?
You don’t know if Sour Leader is dealing with his/her inner critic or not… and, honestly, you don’t care. Your concern is with the effect – not the cause.
Because Sour Leader (or Dynamic Leader) is not your responsibility. They might be your concern, but they are not your responsibility.
Your responsibility lies with the person in the mirror.
And if the inner critic is affecting your ability to affect your energy which affects everyone around you… you get the idea.
How Core Energy Coaching Helps Harness the Power of Your Inner Critic & Elevate Your Energy
As an iPEC-certified coach, I use seven different energy “levels” to describe the types of energy a person experiences and expresses:
Level 1: Feeling lost. Stuck. Lack of choice. I can’t. I have to. Fearful.
Level 2: Anger. Combativeness. Resisting or fighting energy.
Level 3: Rationalizing. Fine. Coping.
Level 4: Care. Compassion. Service to others.
Level 5: Reconciliation. Win-win. Solution-focused.
Level 6: Intuition. Creative genius. Visionary.
Level 7: Absolute Passion. Non-judgment. Oneness.
When you learn more about these specific levels of energy and how people can move from lower levels to higher levels, you’ll have a whole new set of tools and resources that’ll take your workplace conversations, collaborations, and results to new heights.
Speaking the language of energy is an invaluable skill for any leader. This is a huge part of what I teach people how to do through iPEC’s Core Energy Coaching™ methodology, and it’s what helps coaches and leaders get to the root of a person’s challenges by identifying and shifting inner thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that block their success.
If you’re ready to truly transform your relationship with your inner critic and not only understand but CONTROL your energy, you are ready for Core Energy coaching inside of my Energy Leadership Development Coaching program.
Through the process of learning more about energy, you’ll come to understand not only what’s going on energetically with the people on your team, but with yourself as well (and that pesky, prickly, asshole inner critic).
Not only will this new level of insight help you connect more meaningfully with coworkers, employees, patients, prospects or clients—you’ll also be able to identify personal emotions or triggers that may interfere with a clear, neutral understanding of a situation. As a result, you’ll be better equipped to deliver an effective, compassionate response to both your inner critic and those around you.
CONTACT ME to discuss whether Energy Leadership is the right option for you!
