If you always feel like somebody’s watching you (with apologies to Rockwell)... you’re right! If you’re online in the business world in 2022, you’ve been being watched for at least two years: on Zoom, on Teams, on Google Hangouts, Facetime, inside social media groups, and other various interactive platforms. Odds are, you’re probably doing a lot of watching yourself – meaning, you spend a lot of time watching others speak.

But what if you were to watch yourself?  I recently read an excellent article from Inc. by Carmine Gallo where she advocates watching yourself speak on video as one of three ways you can take your public speaking skills to the next level.  She suggests recording yourself giving a presentation and then watching it (“the uncomfortable part”) for annoying habits, like hair flipping or reading from notes, to eliminate verbal pauses like “um’s” and “ah’s” and to encourage yourself to smile more.

What makes watching yourself on video so uncomfortable to begin with?

If you’ve ever made excuses to keep your camera off during a Zoom meeting or fast-forwarded through your own portion of a presentation during a replay event, you are already familiar with the feeling of dread most of us experience when it comes to watching ourselves speak.

Hate seeing yourself on camera? You’re not alone. Believe it or not, there is actually science behind why most of us hate seeing ourselves:

1. Bias, baby.  Confirmation bias is very real and it affects the way we view ourselves.  When we think we are awkward on camera, we see that awkwardness when we watch our own replays because we’re looking for it.  If you think that you’re absurd and nerdy on camera, you’ll be looking for evidence of that when you review the footage. You will want to confirm your belief. No matter how smoothly you presented your pitch, how funny you were, or how natural your performance was, any slight hint of clumsiness will confirm you are a real-life Erkel.
   

2. You don’t actually look the way you think you look.  Considering you’ve been exposed to your own face in a mirror pretty much your entire life, it would seem reasonable that familiarity would breed self-love. But the face you see in the mirror isn’t your true face. It is a mirror image. And your face isn’t symmetrical. Therefore your reflection isn’t the same as your true face that the rest of the world sees, and that you see when it’s recorded.  All this means that you aren’t actually that familiar with your own face. You have always seen a reversal of it. When you see it in a photo or on video you can still recognize it as you, but it doesn’t look “right.” The difference is barely perceptible to your consciousness, but your brain does see the difference and prefers the mirrored you.
   

3. You don’t actually sound the way you think you sound.  Could it get any worse?  Not only do you look different, you sound different too!  You probably already know this from hearing yourself on your own voicemail. The explanation for this is that when you hear yourself normally (ie: not recorded) you’re hearing yourself through your skull bones and your chest cavity. Therefore your voice sounds deeper and more resonant to you. The way you hear yourself on the video is the way that other people normally hear you.

Your brain is lying to you.

Here’s some truth: you are literally the only person in the world that hates YOU on video! No one else has the same biases about you, and no one else sees the mirrored you or thinks your voice sounds “weird.” You are the only one for whom looking at you on screen is odd.

Remember, your brain is lying to you. An understanding of the psychological components underlying your fears of being on camera is crucial to being able to overcome them. Your fear is just your brain trying to use a shortcut to understand the world — and getting it wrong.  You can combat your confirmation bias and the confusion of seeing and hearing yourself in ways that feel “off” by combating those feelings with a simple scientific explanation of what is really going on in your own head.

Now that you understand more of why you hate seeing yourself on video, let’s talk about WHY you should do it to become a better public speaker.

Watching yourself on video can be both awful and humbling.  But it’s a great way to start critiquing your own skills as a public speaker and then addressing those habits, verbal pauses, facial expressions, body language and more that could be detracting from your effectiveness.  

I’m a former broadcast journalist and I can tell you from experience that I used to hate watching myself on camera!  I was on camera for a living and I used to make excuses to get myself out of the van while they were editing my footage – just so I didn’t have to catch a glimpse of myself on screen.  It wasn’t until I heard an interview with Jada Pinkett Smith talking about how she cringes at seeing herself in her own movies that I began to reassess what was really going on here, with me, inside of my own head.

My fear of facing my own face was a symptom of a lack of confidence.  Not a symptom that I was missing a confidence gene, but a tell-tale sign that I had refused to choose confidence.  If you’re familiar with me at all, you know that one of my mantras is: Speaking is an inside-out job.  Confidence isn’t something you’re born with or not. However, I believe that insecurity is a learned feeling - something we pick up from constantly interpreting our environment and our relationship to it. It comes from a place of judgment.

The good news is that YOU get to be the judge so you can interpret your environment from a place of positivity and security.  Take the plunge, record yourself and then watch it!  While you do, keep the following three points in mind.

Here are three things to focus on when you watch yourself on video:

1. How do I look?  Check out your overall appearance—not just your clothes and hair, but your overall “presence.”  Am I standing up straight?  Am I projecting a sense of confidence?  Do I look and seem relaxed? Professional?  Am I appropriate to the event? Do I look like someone I would want to listen to? Studies indicate that generally more than 80-90 percent of a person’s perception of your presentation is based on your non-verbal communication, so make sure you look the part. You only have one chance to make a first impression.  Make it a good one.
   

2. How do I sound?  This one has a couple of different elements. First and most important, notice your volume.  Can people hear you? Can they understand what you’re saying, or are you mumbling, talking to the floor, or talking to the screen?  There is nothing more irritating to your audience than not being able to hear and understand you. 

   Are you talking too fast?  In a recent workshop I attended, there was a presenter who was very comfortable, looked great, spoke great, and had great content, but was too fast. By the time they were done, the audience was exhausted. If you speak too fast, slow down just one beat. It may seem slow to you, but to the audience it’s a nice pace, and much more relaxing. Most importantly, vary the pace and tone. Being nervous or in a rush makes us go faster, so keep that in mind as you present. Don’t be afraid of a little silence or downtime.

   Also consider your vocabulary and language.  Is it appropriate to the audience and situation?  Is it too casual or too formal?  Is it the right “level” for the audience?
   

3. How do I move?  Movement during a presentation can be very impactful or it can be a complete distraction.  Do you stand still? Sway? Move from foot to foot? Do you wildly flail your arms and hands? Or do you have subtle, intentional movements?  Do you move with purpose toward the screen or toward the audience? Do you use gestures and movements to make a point?  An audience loves intentional and purposeful movement during a presentation and it can greatly enhance your message.  Remember, much of communication is non verbal. Are your movements enhancing what you’re saying or are they distracting?

Finally… get over it.

When we watch ourselves, we tend to fixate on those little habits, expressions, quirks, or ticks that in most cases are charming and interesting.  Maybe it’s an eye roll, the way you lick your lips, a gesture, or a certain face we make.  They are the things that make us “us.”  You may see them and be embarrassed, but just accept them.  Different and unique can be good.  If you want to change them, go for it, but you are who you are.  And your ability to OWN IT is what creates the CONFIDENCE you need to make you an engaging, impactful speaker and presenter.