(This blog post is a companion to Part 1: Success Is An Inside-Out Job).

What do you think I mean when I use the word ENERGY?

You might be envisioning a little:

We all have some general idea of what it is, but trying to nail it down into a defined definition can be complicated.

 The common definition for energy is the ability to do work. In other words, everything and anyone who can do work has energy. Energy causes or makes change. It is either transformed or transferred every time work is being done. Since it changes form every time it’s used, the amount of energy in the universe will forever remain the same. It’s transference rather than recreation.

You can also define energy as a mindset that either equips you to stay focused with the courage and persistence to drive you forward until you achieve success OR the thing that keeps you feeling down, stifled, unmotivated, or filled with procrastination.  

We talk about energy – especially when dealing with irritating people or difficult circumstances.  “That really drained me” or “I feel completely drained any time I have to deal with her/him.”  We refer to these types of draining experiences because we can literally feel the energy leaving us when they occur.

For the purpose of this article, we will be talking about energy in terms of our thoughts, feelings and emotions that make up our mindset and how managing those 3 things energetically can definitely have an impact on how we can either cause or make change, especially in the context of our work. 

How aware are you aware of your own energy? Are you aware of how your energy shows up? How much do you believe your energy plays into your success? How do you manage your energy? How much do you think about managing your energy and how do you do it?

Why This Is Important

Just in case you were wondering why this matters in the first place, let me ask you to imagine a quick scenario with me.

1. You are having a sh*t day.  And I mean one of those Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days.  Your pipes exploded; your car needs repairs, your kid is sick, your boss is a jerk, you're overworked, overdeadline, over-budget, stressed out and pissed off.  You get into an Uber (because your car is in the shop) and the driver glares at you rudely.  Lady, I’m in a hurry. Where are you going because the destination you put into the app doesn’t exist!  How likely are you to freak the f*ck out on this guy?  Pretty likely.  It’s the proverbial straw, right?

2. You are having a great day.  I’m talking all-the-lights-are-green, the sun is shining, your bank account is fat, your love life is poppin’ and your dream job just keeps getting better. You get into an Uber (because your brand new luxury car hasn’t been delivered yet) and the driver glares at you rudely.  Lady, I’m in a hurry. Where are you going because the destination you put into the app doesn’t exist!  You smile and say, “I know, right?  These GPS maps are ridiculous sometimes.  Here, let me use this alternate address – it works every time!”

What’s the difference here?  Your energy.  Yes, I know its circumstances, but, listen: you don’t get to control circumstances.  You get to control your energy – your responses to circumstances.  And, most importantly, your energy will CREATE your circumstances.  The Uber driver in the scenario is consistent – he knows nothing about what kind of day you’re having (just like you know nothing about the day he’s having – even though you can probably guess by the way his energy is manifesting in this exchange!) or what’s going on in your life.  But the response of Scenario #2 ELEVATES both people here: it diffuses the stress of the driver and it creates a reciprocal sense of peace and friendship that makes everyone feel better.

Scenario #1?  Honey, that’s headed into Will-Smith-Chris-Rock territory.

We all need energy.  Yes, we need energy to get out of bed, make that workout, take care of our kids, and perform at work… but I’m talking about energy in this elevated context. Everything is made up of energy. Without energy, there is no life. 

Energy cannot be created. We already have all the energy we will ever have - it can’t be created or destroyed, with thanks to Einstein. To utilize its full benefits it has to be managed.  And in order for it to be managed, it must be understood.

Engaged energy, which is the type and amount of energy you use at any point in time, plays a vital role in your success: if you don’t have enough of it for a sustained period of time, you cannot not be successful in achieving your goals no matter what you do.

Energy is the essential ingredient in success and leadership.  Period.

This is apparent in the scenario above.  This doesn’t deal with “leadership” or “success” per se, at least not in the way we understand these terms traditionally, BUT this is a perfect example of how our interactions with others create what comes back at and to us.  It’s not difficult to extrapolate this scenario into one that involves interactions in the workplace (and at home and in every other day-to-day exchange).

When you are…

• having negative interactions with colleagues or clients

• disengaged and discouraged

• working too many hours

• burned out, stressed out and pissed off

• constantly on deadline - working to fill others demands

Your energy is suffering.

This leads to all effort, no result: we’ve all been there when you’re working hard and not seeing much progress. It’s deflating.  And so the cycle continues…

How To Fix This

So, what’s the fix?  How do you turn this around?

As women, we face a common false choice: fall short (i.e., “behind” our male colleagues) or push ourselves into unrealistic levels of productivity and beyond the collective burnout.

The truth is: we don’t have to act like the Tasmanian Devil to get to the positions we want. We just have to reroute the way we’re seen in the workforce. 

This starts with changing the way we see ourselves. We are assertive. We are passionate. We are direct. And if you don’t feel that way now, then stick with me because I’m going to give you the tools to speak up and show up that way by managing your energy! 

We cannot grow when our energy is low.

I’m going to give you another scenario now, except this one is very real.  It’s one of my own.

In 2015, I was burned out and in the thick of stress and mess in my professional and personal life. I was working around the clock and knew that I needed to get out of the crazy world of news and public relations. The turning point came as I spoke to one of my executive producers one evening while wrapping up some work on a breaking news story. We were having a slight disagreement about whether or not the story was worth staying any later for and when I told him I was going to call it a night and go pick up my children, he began screaming and yelling at me: You get your “f’ing” “a” together and keep your f’ing a** out there!

I was frozen with humiliation, shock and anger. All I could do was stand there. On one hand I wanted to lash out and rip him a new a-hole, on the other I wanted to ball my tired body up in a corner and cry. Being a super employee, a super mom and a super wife had all come crashing down on me. I realized that I had been playing the passive observer too much in my career thus far out of fear of being disliked, not belonging, not succeeding and that if anything were going to change, the change had to start with me. I had been suffering in silence far too long. 

Up until that point, even though I was reporting in a top 10 market, making six figures and getting my foot in the door to do less news and more communications work for large tech companies, I was still too focused on trying to prove my value and my worthiness. I was too focused on trying to prove that I deserved to be where I was. Too much of the validation I was seeking was dependent upon how my peers and my managers saw me. 

And, despite my best efforts, I was still not satisfied with where I was. I was still underearning and because I was so burnt out, I was underperforming. I look back on that time in my life and I dislike the person I was.

My work wasn’t flexible at all for me as a mother or wife. I was often intimidated and feeling defeated, talked down to and looked over even though I worked twice as hard and delivered excellent work. 

And, guess what?  If you’re a woman, especially a mother, in the workplace, I know you can relate.

In circumstances and situations like this, we can either become uber-male and aggressive in our response or overly pleasing and diminutive in our energy. I bounced between both states. 

Energetically, if we look at the seven levels of energy I teach in my coaching and workshops, I was bouncing between level 1 victim energy and level two martyr and anger type energy. 

Do you recall a moment in your life where you devalued yourself?  Didn’t stand up for yourself or let some get under your skin so much you became reactionary and maybe even pushed them away?

2015-Me was showing up being forced to make a terrible choice every day: to defend or not to defend myself.  I was living in REACTION MODE aka FIGHT MODE. I was letting other people dictate my mood. I was letting other people control my energy. Instead of creating my life, I was living in reaction to everything that was coming at me. 

We Control Our Own Energy

We don’t have control over how anyone else perceives us. We can do all the right things and still we can't control someone else’s perception or bias against us - that’s why trying to change it makes absolutely no sense. And while we have made progress throughout the generations of gender bias, collectively, we haven't gotten that far. Gender inequality exists in part because people take power from other people and we all show up to every situation with our own inherent interpretations and biases. We’ve created a system where we don’t all feel like we can stand in our own power. We have to focus on controlling what we can control, not focusing on what we can’t.

And let’s keep it real: it isn’t all about gender or race. I’ve worked for women-run organizations, black-led companies and all types in between, and have experienced the same levels of toxicity and culture-causing-burnout that exists in all-white-male-controlled businesses (and, to keep it 100, sometimes it’s even been worse). This is a HUMAN issue… and an ENERGY one.

As human beings, we can control our own energy. Our own responses. We can heal ourselves. And when we allow our actions to be guided only by what we are committed to changing within ourselves, we are unstoppable. 

All of this – controlling ourselves, changing ourselves, protecting ourselves, choosing creation over reaction – has to do with energy.

And managing that energy in real, actionable, tangible terms?  YES, it’s possible.

In my Energy Leadership Coaching Program, I focus on developing energy as the central role for any leader who aspires for greatness because it is the single most important factor that distinguishes great leaders from the rest. It is the personal quality most likely to inspire confidence in customers, respect among colleagues, and loyalty from employees. It is the aspect of your leadership style you should focus on to put your performance, your career, and your life on the fast track to success. 

But you need to know how to control your energy to make it work for, not against, you.

If this sounds like something you NEED in your life (and, yes, it affects your entire life, not just your work life), consider Energy Leadership Coaching.  Not only will it prescribe and pinpoint your current levels of energy, but it will also equip and empower you to shift your energy into the places where it needs to be, moving you from reaction to creation, from victimhood to rational thought, from conflict to caring.

Find out more about my Energy Leadership Coaching program today!